SELF REFLECTION

glam selfie

2013. i got engaged. i got a new job. i built a house. i never would have imagined so many life events spilling into one another. but now that jeremy and i are fast approaching our move in date, my nights have been filled with self reflection…. thinking back at where i was just a few years ago, aimlessly drifting through college.  where the hell did the time go? one second i’m hobbling through 6th street with my girlfriends, and the next i’m sitting in a cubicle cage staring at a flickering fluorescent above my head. time keeps swirling in my head, and my body is tired from all the stress and excitement clashing in my stomach. this constant stage of change has thrown me into a loophole where i find myself grasping for one thread of stability. i want to just MOVE IN ALREADY!

please don’t read this the wrong way- i can’t thank God enough for this incredible life he has bestowed upon me. i thank him everyday and count my blessings every night. i seriously don’t know what i did to deserve the things i have, which leads me to the feeling that prompted this blog post – guilt. creative guilt. allow me to explain:

when i started this blog and youtube channel, i did it as a way to RELEASE the chaos and stress in my life. i would run home to my dorm to sketch out video idea after video idea, practicing my camera presence, writing blog posts, enjoying my newfound passion. blogging was the first positive outlet i found as an adult, and now i find myself fighting to get the motivation to squeak out one video. jeremy and i want this to be our future, yet we have not been doing anything to further that dream. i look in the mirror, and i feel waves of guilt rush over me. “you should be shooting your next video” … “what’s your next blog post going to be”… these thoughts fill my head as my iphone sounds off reminder after reminder for things i have to do to move into the house and solidify for the wedding blah blah blah blah blah. life has overtaken my passion. it’s time to wake up my creative juices. i’m tired of making excuses for myself. i’m sick of that guilty feeling.

so here i sit, slumped in my bed. boxes all around me. finding solace through my old friend {this blog}. i see this move to be more than just a relocation of items. i see it as a cleanse. i get a new office, a place of my own, and most importantly, a brand new start. so much stress will be off my shoulders after we close, and i will be able to focus on wedding planning, house decorating, and transferring all the creative thoughts in my head onto my channel and blog. i’ve known for awhile now that my dreams and aspirations live within in these sites, but now i’m ready to grab it by the horns and charge ahead. i didn’t come this far for nothing, baby.

thanks for listening to me. love you all,

erica xoxo

image source here

 

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply

Top